It’s Not Dating Apps, It’s Us. How to Manage Our Dating App Usage to Avoid Date Exhaustion
Accepting Dating Apps’ Flaws and Using Dating Apps to Our Advantage
Here we go again, talking about dating apps. It seems to be the dating subject that gets the most attention. But as much as we all roll our eyes at the thought, they are an inevitable part of our dating life. No matter your app of choice, the endless content of single strangers and the addictive stroll have us lost in dating thoughts. We’re sucked into the algorithm, like our hair into the fans that have kept us alive during the summer scorch.
Now the burning gates of summer are closing behind us, people are shifting their focus back to dating. Whether you took a break from the apps this season or now taking your swipes seriously, we need to set some ground rules for our dating frenemies. Aka dating apps. As much as the tech typhoons like to believe they control us, we ultimately decide how we use dating apps. Not to say, they aren’t a useful tool for dating. Dating apps get a bad rap. Rightly so. Their cons are great. Before we discuss how to relinquish control and stop dating app fatigue in its tracks, a few pros deserve an honorable mention.
Dating apps are a link to a world outside of our inner circle. It’s difficult to find people IRL to date beyond a friend-of-a-friend radius. Especially in non-urban dating environments. Dating apps expose us to people, cultures, and backgrounds we may not experience in our day-to-day interactions. We can meet people organically in bars, restaurants, and parties, but these activities don’t guarantee unique visitors to our circle. Thus, dating apps open the door to new views. If we’re willing to swipe on people who aren’t stereotypically our type.
With this advantage comes dating apps evil sister. Dating fatigue. It’s the number one culprit. The hardest pill to swallow is we’re second in line. We choose how to experience dating. Instead of blaming dating apps for being the worst, we can accept the technology for what it is and rectify the dating app situation for ourselves. Try not to cringe while I say this, but cuffing season is coming. People are looking to date. Including us. Dating app matches are picking up. Wandering eyes are taking up space again in bars. People are feeling European confident. There’s a plethora of singles reentering the scene, but we can’t be overzealous, or we’ll fall into the trap of dating exhaustion.
How do we manage our dating app usage?
Swiping into the dating app scene again can be exciting after a break or the past summer’s low match count. Likes are doubling and people are commenting on a pic rather than a simple like. Things are looking up. Allow yourself a moment to be happy, but lead with caution.
Stop scrolling on the apps when you have two to three dates lined up.
Our weeks fill up quickly without dates. Sprinkling in one to three in the mix is enough. Once you have dates in the calendar for the week and/or upcoming week, take a mini break from dating apps. Each scheduled date has the potential to turn into a second or third. If you have additional dates brewing in messages, it can become overwhelming. Your calendar will fill up with dates and you’ll lose time with yourself and friends. For example, if two of the three dates end with a “thanks but no thanks” text, reopen the dating apps if you have physical time to give them.
Determine how much to use the apps based on your weekly/monthly availability.
When we decide to date, we also decide to make it a priority in our lives. It’s only fair to ourselves and those we date to feel ready and present. Don’t date just to date. If your next week/month is relatively open, it’s probably a good time to open the apps. When you’re confident in your schedule and your mental capabilities, the app experience will be more pleasant. Readjust the usage by using the tip above, after you secure a few dates.
Don’t let dating FOMO convince you to swipe daily.
Our brains are not wired to consume that much hotness and dating options. The more we swipe, the more contagious it becomes. Keep your mental health at the forefront of your dating life. See how you feel after taking a day away from the apps. You’ll find your likes still there and the people you would have seen yesterday are still in your algorithm. Remember turtles win races. And look cute (and genuinely happy) doing it.
Remember, organic connections are possible.
Cultivating more control over the dating appverse reverts those vibrations to real life. With our noses less in our phones, we’re seeing what’s in front of us. Avoid clicking through apps at bars and restaurants. Be present with the company you’re with. Here are my go-to tips for staying off my phone on dates and in public. We want to strike a balance between dating apps and meeting people in person.
Dating apps are trainable. We can use them to our advantage by accepting their flaws and creating boundaries. Just as we do with people. They don’t hurt us unless we give them the power to. We decide how to use them. Choose to use them to your advantage. Also, don’t rush to be cuffed. We have at least two months before we must deal with that dating anxiety.
