How I Met People IRL (and What I’d Do Now to Date Without the Apps)
How I Made IRL connections and Boosted My Confidence By Dating Offline
Okay, yes, I met my partner on Hinge, but I had a successful IRL dating life while I was single. One that had a variety of outcomes. At the time, I was balancing IRL dating with dating apps, but I was also just enjoying meeting new people and living my life. Because that’s the thing about IRL dating, you must find ways to enjoy not only meeting but also talking to someone new. Even if a person isn’t your “type.”
The secret to IRL dating is engaging with your community and those around you. It’s leading with less judgment and much more curiosity. Dating off the apps takes more patience. Not every outing will lead to your next romantic lover. It won’t always lead to a new friend. But it will always lead to your feeling more connected to people and life.
However, I digress. There are important tools for meeting people IRL. It doesn’t just happen. It’s a social skill we must exercise and intentionally use. Some you may already be doing, and others you may be more hesitant to implement. But the tools I’m going to share have proven successful.
In my IRL dating experience, I had one IRL meeting that led to three dates, another to a number exchange, and one that gave me faith in the future of IRL dating. There are a few others, but these are the most significant, and I’m going to share tools that helped me meet each person in the different environments, the street, the park, and a bar.
The time I met someone on the street and got their number!
What I did that helped me meet someone on the street…
I didn’t put headphones on while I walked around the city or ran errands, unless I was feeling moody.
I said hello to everyone I could! (In the coffee shop, on the streets, in the grocery stores) I may have been overly nice, but I loved engaging with my community, and it brought me joy.
I didn’t shy away from eye contact, especially with the people I thought were cute.
At the moment, I was walking on the street without my headphones, feeling upbeat about the day. I saw a man walking by who was cute, and I made eye contact with him. He paused and turned around, asking if he knew me. We hadn’t met, but began having a conversation right in the street. Next thing, we exchanged numbers and made plans to meet again.
The time I met someone at a bar and went on three dates!
What I did that helped me meet someone while I was out…
I practiced inner confidence and openness! I loved meeting new people and stayed open to different conversations.
I practiced affirmations before I went out as reminders to open my aura. Cheesy but worked! I wanted to let new opportunities come into my life.
I talked to people who talked to me, even if they weren’t my type.
If someone had the courage to talk to me, I would do so back with genuine curiosity. When I didn’t feel any romantic or platonic interest, I kindly excused myself.
I didn’t reach for my phone when I was alone or in a social environment.
In this meet-cute, I was sitting alone at a bar while my friend went to the bathroom. A man who was not my type asked me to be his partner in table shuffleboard. I was intentionally not on my phone and just looking around the bar, observing. We become more approachable when we are not engaged on our phones or in a solo situation. I opened up an opportunity for him to come and talk to me!
The time I met someone in the park!
What I did…
I was on a solo date! Solo dates are SO important to meeting people in real life. When we are alone, like above, we create more opportunities to be approached. We are engaged in something we enjoy and thus are giving off authentic energy.
Start by going to the park and going out on solo lunch dates.
In this moment, a man respectfully approached me while I was chilling on the grass to ask what I was listening to. I was open to his conversations, then after a short while, he asked if I would like to get a drink sometime. I was already with my partner, so I kindly declined, but he told me he was practicing meeting people IRL! As a dating coach, I was ecstatic. I told him to keep going, as he was doing all the right things.
People want to meet people in person and are actively seeking it. By implementing ways to engage with people, you will meet those who are to share the same goal, connecting with people IRL.
Along with the tools I use in my dating life, these a what I would do now to meet someone off the dating apps.
Join a co-ed hobby to connect with new people outside my social circle.
Continue to go on solo dates… we attract people when we are feeling our most authentic and calm selves.
Ask friends in relationships to set me up
Go to single or dating events at least once or twice a month. These can be daunting, but a great tool for meeting a larger group of singles in pursuit of the same goal.
But don’t forget! Meeting someone IRL takes time and patience. Not every outing will foster a romantic connection, but it will make your life fuller by connecting with humans again out in the wild. And if you are still using dating apps, it is possible to do both at once. Create a dating strategy that works for you. Create one with me!
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