A 2-Step Formula to Manage Texting Anxiety in Dating
A Practical Guide for What to Do When Waiting for a Response and Stop Overthinking
It’s four months in, and you’re beginning to develop real feelings for this person. You’re past the new person haze and feeling your anxious attachment or very normal dating anxiety to creep in. It’s early stages and you’re living in the grey area. They’ve given you no reason not to trust them, and everything before this has been intentional and safe.
But why have they not texted you back?!
Sure, it’s 2 pm on a Wednesday, and they are at work. Not in a work-from-home, COVID kind of way, but at the office or on the job talking to clients. They’re busy living their day-to-day life.
But still... why haven’t they texted you back?! It only takes a few seconds…
You’re right, it only takes a few seconds to reply to a text. However, we can’t control other people’s actions or ways of texting. You’re still getting to know each other and understanding how they communicate.
We could spend time dissecting why someone isn’t replying, but that will most likely send us into a spiral of overthinking and panic. Which is a waste of our time when we have our day-to-day to live.
So, when we’re waiting for a text back, instead of overanalyzing the why, we can follow a two-set formula to soothe our texting anxiety.
The first step is looking at the facts! Ask yourself…
How have they made me feel secure in the past?
What have they done to help me trust them?
Was there a similar moment where I felt dating anxiety, but they reassured me?
Hopefully, the answers to these questions lead you to more secure thoughts about the relationship. If you find yourself struggling to find security or trust, it may be a sign to reevaluate if the relationship is right for you.
After looking at the facts, it’s time to self-regulate. Try these to self-soothe…
Walk away from your phone or put it on charge in another room
Journal, meditate, or do some daily movement
Go for a walk outside. Connecting with nature can do wonders and makes texting drop lower in the priority list.
Phone a friend. Not to talk about texting, but to catch up and feel connected to someone else.
Get back to your to-do list or agenda for the day.
Now the 2-step formula isn’t a one-and-done fix. Regulating texting anxiety takes time and patience. It also requires a partner who makes us feel secure in other areas. However, despite how secure one makes us feel, we can still struggle with texting anxiety when we don’t receive a reply straight away.
To make a lasting impact, we must continue practicing the 2-step formula when these feelings arise. Which may mean practicing it every day, until we need it less and less. Time is our friend in dating. The more we get to know someone, the more we understand their schedule and way of being.
We can also lean on our partner and share our texting triggers with them. Share how we are working on regulating the texting anxiety, and wanted to let them know what was going on in our heads. This automatically makes you one team against the problem. If they care about you, most likely they will do their best to help soothe the triggers alongside you. It’s not their job to fix the anxiety, but they can assist in giving a few more text updates when needed
Texting anxiety is real, and you’re not alone. Just look at the one million views I received on my Instagram reel about texting anxiety, and you’ll see it’s a battle fought by many daters.
Oh, to be a dater in the techverse…
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