How to Send Follow-Up Texts to Stop Follow-Through Blues
Follow-Up Texts to Send After Meeting Someone IRL, on a Dating App, and After a First Date
You’ve done it. You met someone in person. The dating event you attended worked. Or maybe your social muscle practice has paid off. It doesn’t matter how, but you finally met someone in real life. Hooray! The number is secured, and hopes are high.
Now, a few days have passed since the meeting, and the dopamine has worn off. Possible self-doubt has trickled in, or life got busy, but the number is still sitting in the pocket of the trousers you wore the day you met. Wrinkled and unused. Now you’re wondering if it’s been too long to reach out. You met four days ago, and they were probably expecting a text from you. But it got lost in the sauce, leaving you with a loss for words and a missed opportunity.
You, dear, have a case of the follow-through blues.
A common and less recognized cause of dating frustration. It goes less detected because, in this situation, we are the culprits. We are the ones with the number and the ones with the ball in our court, with zero shots taken.
Follow-through or follow-up texts are the catalyst for keeping the connection going from an IRL meet or a dating app match. This is not referring to constant texting all day, every day. Follow-through texts are kind reminders of the connection made and the intention to meet again.
The misconception of a follow-through or follow-up text is that it must include a set date plan in the first contact, but it’s not the case. It only puts pressure on a simple text that can bring your meet-cute to the next step. An actual date.
Follow-up texts can look like…
“It was lovely meeting you last night. I’d love to meet again for coffee sometime.”
“Hi XXX! It’s XXX from speed dating. It was so nice meeting you. Thank you for all the great chats. I keep thinking about XYZ. Need to learn more!’
“Hi XXX! It’s XXX from pickleball. It was so great meeting you!”
While some of these texts can include a seed for a potential future date, other times they can just be a kind acknowledgement of a meeting. Bonus points if you show active listening and reference a topic you talked about!
Follow-up texts can look different based on how you met and what stage of the connection you’re in.
For meeting IRL, at a dating, volunteer, or social event, etc…
You want to text within 48 hours of the meeting, preferably the next morning or 12 hours later. As said above, don’t psych yourself out thinking you must have a date idea planned to make the initial reach out. It can simply look like example number three. As they reply, you can guide the conversation to planning a time and day to meet up again next week. Put something on the calendar! Again, this can just be a coffee. Low stakes!
For matching on a dating app…
Get off the apps as soon as possible. When transitioning from app to texts, be sure to mention the intention of meeting in person. Switching to text is simply to set up a day and time to meet IRL. Again, it can just be a coffee date! If you are not free to meet the week you matched, suggest a day the following week secure it on the calendar. Always be proactive!
Follow-up texts after the first date…
Always say thank you after meeting someone. Even if you’re not sure you are going to see them again, it’s kind to show human decency. If you are interested in seeing them again, mention that in the texts!
Try… “So lovely grabbing coffee with you today! I would love to do it again sometime.’
Now you’ve set up the second date…
Don’t leave them empty-handed or even wait for them to text you. Checking in every other day between now and the second date shows your continued interest.
Try… “I hope you’re having a great week! I can’t wait for our park date on Thursday.”
The thing to remember in all of this is that despite your efforts and kind gestures, there may be times we’re not reciprocated. Yes, it is rejection, but 9/10, it has nothing to do with you. It’s timing, it’s their schedule, it’s their emotional availability. Rejection is out of your control.
What is in your control is the effort you put in. It is knowing that you tried. That is how you release from the outcome and the sting of rejection. You did your part.
The follow-through blues are eliminated.
