How the World Cup is Helping American Singles Meet IRL Again

Jun 22

America's Crash Course in Social Confidence and How to Talk to Strangers Again

woman drinking a Guinness in a bar, while wearing and England football jersey

Do you hear the chanting? Do you see the vibrant colors spreading throughout your city? Can you feel the collective energy?

The World Cup is in the US of A. The rest of the world has descended on our most populous towns. And with them, they bring their enthusiasm for sport, community, and life. The ones who are unafraid to take a month off work to travel from coast to coast, and let me say it again, live life.

There are many things our fellow earth dwellers are learning from us. Like, how you can put ranch on anything. A petrol station is more of an experience than a place to simply pump your petrol. And how Americans are actually kind and decent people.

If anything is to save the world from a catastrophic disconnect, it may be a good game of footie. But this article isn’t about how the world is rediscovering America for the first time, since our dramatic departure from Europe in 1776. It’s instead about what we are discovering from our worldly visitors.

Yes, their sense of community and ability to clean up public spaces after a night out of drinking and not trashing every place they go is something to implement into our American lives. But there’s something more impactful, if you can believe it, that could save the American loneliness epidemic, and even more, the state of modern dating.

If you’ve been lucky enough to travel outside of the States, then you’ve probably experienced the wonders of easy socializing. Like, how you’ve managed to have more conversations with strangers and felt more adept at the skills of conversation when you are in a different country.

Of course, there’s the fact that when we are traveling, we feel more confident in ourselves because we have less to lose. No one knows us there. It’s our chance to be the person we try to tame in the States. Our truest self, who isn’t afraid to communicate. And other countries’ social cultures allow us to explore this side of us without judgment.

However, that social confidence is exactly what the world is bringing to America for the World Cup. Their adept social skills are showing us how to meet new people, have conversations, and know when to bow out when the person is not interested.

Here in America, we have lost the ability to meet and be open to conversations, regardless of the outcomes. We’ve lost the thrill of chatting to chat and instead focus on having a goal of a greater outcome… a phone number or perhaps meeting the love of our lives in this very bar at this very moment.

But we can’t only blame ourselves for this stint in social growth. A pandemic, technology, and our collective lean into more individualism have left us with weak social muscles and a lack of self-awareness in social situations.

Yet, all is not lost. We can build from our losses and learn from our visitors to save our social culture and IRL dating.

The first thing we need to do is release the outcome. Stop focusing on what we can gain from an interaction and say hello because someone seems interesting, attractive, or they are conveniently next to you in the bathroom line. We need to love to chat again.

But to do that, we need to start rebuilding the confidence to just say hello. It doesn’t have to be deep. Start saying hi to people in your building, in elevators, at grocery stores, the petrol station, etc. The list goes on. It only needs to be a hello. If there’s one thing Americans are good at its asking, “how are you” without waiting for an answer. Use America’s social norms to your advantage.

Now this is where we start to take lessons from our worldly neighbors. The entry into conversation isn’t yelling, “my friend thinks you’re cute,” which I recently witnessed in a downtown bar, but genuinely taking an interest in the person. At the same bar, I was working a singles event, and the secret speakeasy happened to be stationed near the toilets, at said bar.

In between check-ins, I was kindly approached by multiple people on their way to and from the toilets. And all were foreigners. As a dating coach, I was intrigued by their different ways of starting conversations and, of course, open to a quick chat. But as a taken lady, I always declined their pursuits.

The beginning and end of these conversations are what we can learn from.

Their entry lines wavered between simply saying hello and asking how my night was, and using my unique situation as a bouncer as a way of starting conversations. Some asked what was happening behind the curtain, and one used a cheeky line asking if there was an event for beautiful people. All non-creepy and light-hearted.

I kindly replied, and we’d share a few words back and forth. But as I wasn’t available, I didn’t show interest beyond the polite how are you back. My lack of questions was a sign I wasn’t interested further than common friendliness, and guess what… they listened!!

These non-Americans were socially aware enough to politely end the conversation and wish me well in my night. No unwarranted advances or uncomfortable feelings. They read the room.

In my 3-step solution for teaching my clients how to talk to people IRL, this is step 2. Let the other person tell you if they’re interested by seeing if they are asking you questions back and putting effort into furthering the conversation. If they don’t, then it is your sign to politely exit.

Now, from my end, naturally, I am open to conversations. It’s why I do what I do. I love meeting new people. But what allowed me to have these conversations in the first place is that I said hello back for the love of conversation. Step one, I told them it’s okay to say hi. I did this by engaging back and allowing a friendly conversation.

Saying hello back doesn’t mean you must stay in conversation all night. It’s just being human and having a conversation. You won’t know if you enjoy a chat with someone unless you try it. It also doesn’t need to be romantic. You may meet someone you’d like to introduce to your friend or stay connected to for professional reasons.

Conversation is how we all stay connected, and if you find yourself enjoying the conversation, you find yourself a date.

All of this takes practice. We’re not going to learn it overnight, but with the World Cup in America, it’s a perfect time to get a crash course. Go watch a game in the bar near you or challenge yourself to go out on a Friday night this summer when the World Cup is in your city.

Let our lovely visitors help you fall in love with conversation again.