Make a Meet-Cute! How to Meet People IRL Outside of Dating Apps

How to Make an IRL Dating Plan and Meet Singles Organically

It’s not breaking news that daters are deleting dating apps left and right. They’re burnt out, sick of the low-quality matches, and ready for something real. And they aren’t wrong. Dating apps are notorious for bringing bad dating vibes. They can make dating feel impossible, so people are retreating, deleting their profiles, and looking for IRL ways to meet a match. But I’m here to tell you that quitting cold turkey without a plan may frustrate you even more.

We all love the idea of an IRL meet-cute, but sadly, it’s not like the movies. Curse Nora Ephron! Except not really because she’s one of my favorite writers. The thing is, we CAN have a cute relationship story like the movies, we just must put in the effort. Yes, the sneaky “E” word that many daters despise.

You’ve heard it before… dating takes effort. Which means meeting someone IRL takes effort. Just as using the dating apps (sustainably) takes effort. But that topic is for another column. 

Today, we’re talking about dating without the apps and how to strategize for an IRL meet-cute. A lot of the time, people decide they want to find a date IRL but continue to feel disappointed by few prospects. But that’s where a strategy comes in. You create a course of action and opportunities that foster different types of new connections, while also working on your confidence and fear of rejection. 

But before we dive into the strategy, it’s important to know that, unlike dating apps, IRL dating has less instant gratification. There are not endless singles to look at. A single swipe doesn’t create a sudden match. IRL dating takes patience and consistent effort… there’s that word again. You must be ready for the “slow burn” dating game.

And to start, you need to begin talking to strangers in your neighborhood/community. 

This can be as simple as talking to your barista, deli guy, or dry cleaner. Then you can move up to chatting to people in elevators, making conversations with people on your daily walk, or when you are out. Just start making conversation. This will build your social muscle in a low-stakes environment. 

Next, make an activity plan. 

We want to mix in single dating events and hobby/community/volunteer opportunities to get involved in. Depending on your schedule, look to attend two single dating events a month. Try different ones in your city until you find a few that align with your goals/values. Now, actually buy a ticket! 

Now, in addition to single-focused events, get involved in your community. Choose a social leaning hobby you like or a sport you’ve always wanted to try. Book the class or go to a meetup. Volunteer opportunities is a free environment where you can engage with like-minded people. Try composting or helping in your local garden. 

Next, go to connection-focused events or networking events that connect you to new people outside of your social circle. Try connecting with your college, or go to community events (not single events). Try looking at Luma for different ones! Or subscribing to the Joylist or Nonsense, if you are in NYC. 

Now, it’s time to shoot your shot!

Sadly, just showing up at places won’t get you a date. You must engage! Yes, this may come with rejection, but we need some of that to build our confidence. Action makes almost perfect. If you see someone you’re interested in, walk up and interact. It doesn’t have to be serious so quickly. Introduced yourself and make conversation by asking about your surroundings and the event or compliment them. The first word can simply be hello. 

At a dating event, the common denominator is looking for a date, so asking or sharing your number with someone IS the whole point. It’s a lower-stakes environment because everyone is there to do the same thing. 

At a community, hobby, or volunteer event, don’t be afraid to foster the connection first before asking someone out on a date. Continue to engage with them, ask them to volunteer or join you for another session outside of the event. For example, ask them to play a round of pickleball or to get a group together to play outside of the normal time. Get to know them and focus on connecting them date. 

Okay, you have the number. Now you must follow through!

This is one of the biggest reasons why people miss date opportunities. Once people get a number, getting to an actual date can be the hardest obstacle. Whether it’s due to laziness, busy schedules, or fear of rejection, people get a number and then don’t use it. But by doing so, that means all your handwork to get the number equates to nothing. A hard reality of IRL dating. 

The effort doesn’t stop. We must keep going and stay consistent. And newsflash, you’ll have to continue to stay effort-focused as you build a relationship. So, we should probably become friends with the “E” word. 

To stay consistent with follow-through, give yourself a time limit to text. Go no more than 2 days to plan a date and make contact via text. The actual date itself doesn’t have to be for another week. The next step is making the date! 

The last thing I’ll leave you with is to lead with kindness. Whether you’re shooting your shot or on the receiving line, remember, everyone is just trying to connect and meet new people. It may not be a match this time, but stay kind to those who are putting in the effort. In the end, we’re all humans trying to connect in person again. Patience, my friend!